God is Good at Being God

Has your life gone exactly as you planned or hope it to? Mine has. NOT! Being a divorced mother was not part of my future plan when I got married. Some of my life goals had come to pass, but life wasn’t as grand as I thought it would be. People change, and disappointments and hardships are a reality. Before our wedding, our dating relationship was supportive, loving, and very kind. Unfortunately, our marriage did not consist of any of those characteristics. By the time our third child was born, our priorities as a couple had taken different paths several times. I was determined, though, to take care of my three small children and try to keep peace within our home. Many difficulties came and went. Our marriage was continuously troubled and emotional pain was a daily occurrence for me. There were a few good days here and there, but most of the time I was in a lonely marriage. After he had participated in a life-changing weekend experience, our marriage was finally becoming what we both desired. I was so excited. Once again, however, the newly found bliss didn’t last long. I was 8 years into a marriage that consisted of daily verbal abuse and emotional neglect. I was told several times over the years that I was a "horrible wife, but a great mother" and how he was only with me for the kids. . I lost all of my self-confidence, except for my love as a mother and being a career woman. I lost myself, honestly. One week, though, enough was enough. After several separations, attending marriage counseling alone, and then finally in counseling together, things were only worse. My oldest had asked me to please have her Daddy leave, because "he's always mean" to me. This was not the example I wanted for my children. So, I asked him to leave and had to again a few days later for him to realize I really meant it. He didn't believe me the first time, because he knew I believed that marriage is forever and he thought I would always take whatever he gives - love or hate. I met with an attorney a few weeks later and filed for divorce, which took nearly a year to be over and ordered.

We were both different people with very different goals and life choices. This was a HUGE and difficult decision for me, but I chose to take a step into the unknown, for the chance to have a peaceful and loving home. God had finally given me peace that I had done all I could do to save our marriage and I was no longer bound to the abuse. Despite my relief and regaining joy, though, I was ashamed and felt like a failure. What was I going to teach my children and how will this affect them? I knew it wouldn’t be all positive, but the alternative only had negative repercussions. I knew our life would be good, though, because I had no doubt that God’s plan for us was far greater than anything I could plan. I had a lot of Godly support during my divorce, more than I expected, because shame had encompassed me during my marriage. My church family, coworkers, friends and sister never left my side during that hard year of court hearings. They prayed for me, cried with me, and encouraged me. Romans 12:15 in paraphrase, says “Laugh with your friends when they are happy; share tears when they are down.” My supporters did exactly that and more. They were God’s hands and feet to me in many ways. Such as: surprising me with meals, listening when I needed to share my struggles and hopes, encouraging me to stay strong in God’s Word, and loved my children as if they were their own. One friend even threw me a “Happy Divorce” Party. It was great! They were my daily reminders that God still loved me and He planned a good future for me and my children. They encourage me when I doubted myself and, most importantly, loved me when I need reminded of God’s truths.

I’m not proud of being a divorced mother, but God’s grace doesn’t just cover our willful sin and mistakes; it also covers our ignorance. I wasn’t the first woman to experience a divorce and I, unfortunately, will not be the last in this fallen world. Since my divorce, I have faced failed relationships and dealt with the pain of more betrayal. I have struggled with the desire for my children’s prayers to be answered before my own. I have wrestled with uncertainty of the future and confusion of things going wrong, but through it all, I choose to trust God and believe that His promises do come to pass in His timing. God is good at being God!

The song “Through It All” states:

“I’ve had many tears and sorrows, I’ve had questions for tomorrow, there’s been times I didn’t know right from wrong. But in every situation, God gave me blessed consolation, that my trials come to only make me strong. I’ve been to lots of places, I’ve seen a lot of faces, there’s been times I felt so all alone. But in my lonely hours, yes, those precious lonely hours, Jesus lets me know that I was His own. I thank God for the mountains, and I thank Him for the valleys, I thank Him for the storms He brought me through. For if I’d never had a problem, I wouldn’t know God could solve them, I’d never know what faith in God could do. Through it all, through it all, I’ve learned to trust in Jesus, I’ve learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.” My life consists of triumph after heartache and gain after loss – a proclamation of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and redemption. A wise friend has reminded me on several occasions, “While people fail us, God never does!”